Withdrawal Symptoms

Three days into this Lenten journey and, I must admit, that I have already felt a certain uneasiness come over me. A feeling of being sort of lost; of anxiety about my Lenten choices; a low-grade hopelessness at my ability to follow through with my Lenten exercises. It feels almost as if I have withdrawal symptoms from my normal life. And that is exactly what these feelings are, withdrawal symptoms.  I am being hit with the realization that I am trying to change my ‘comfortable’ faith life to an honest faith life, one that has a deeper relationship with God.

Every year I know going into Lent that it would entail struggles – but what I expect and what I encounter is never the same. Though not pleasant; these struggles are necessary.  Our Lenten exercises are a cleansing, a purgation of the barriers that keep us from being in a true relationship with God; it is our participation in what St. Paul wrote to the  Galatians ‘I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me’[1]

My brothers and sisters, this angst, which we can feel during Lent, about our choices and our ability to fulfill them is part of the cleansing.  It is necessary; if we don’t have these moments of doubt and despair than it probably is a good sign that our Lenten exercises aren’t at the level needed to help us. These exercises and our feelings are, in a small way, our participation with Christ with what He went through in the Garden of Gethsemane – ‘the disciple is not above the master’[2]. Again, these Lenten exercises that we have started should be hard exercises; aside from our own reluctance to remove these obstacles; we can be sure that the evil one is pressing us hard to not succeed.  The words of St. John the Baptist though inspirational are tough to follow:  ‘He must increase, but I must decrease.’[3] These are not words of pleasure but of tough work and constant struggle.

Friends, let’s not give in to our weaknesses when we start to feel the angst of withdrawal from our comfortable lives.  Let’s place in front us the goal, God.  Let’s drop to our knees when these feelings flow over us and ask our Lord for the healing salve that the Holy Spirit can give us; so that when the wave passes we are still on the path of purgation and healing that leads to eternal joy.

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[1] Galatians 2:20
[2] St. Josemaría Escrivá – The Way #699
[3] John 3:30 (RSV)

Every Time

Bishop Javier Echevarría, in his February letter, writes about the blessings that God gives us with His mercy, especially during Lent, this great season of interior conversion and returning to the Lord’s embrace:

‘The invitation to a deep change is especially timely in the Year of Mercy, a special time of grace for all mankind. What trust and security it gives us to know that “God is always ready to give us his grace, and especially in these times; the grace for a new conversion, for rising higher on the supernatural plane: a greater self-giving, an advance in perfection, becoming more on fire.”[1]’[2]

In three short days we begin our Lenten journey. This time of Lent, if we use it wisely, is a time of challenges.

• We are challenged to look within us in an ever deeper and more honest way. This can be threatening. We can be put off by the fear of seeing something that we have tried very hard to keep hidden, even from ourselves.
• We are challenged by trying to give up something, at least for this Lenten season, to offer it to our Lord in love and thanksgiving for what He means to us. This can be very uncomforting and trying.
• We are challenged by inadequacy, of the thought that we can never live up to what our Lord did for us. Our thoughts can veer towards whether our Lenten practices, even if done well, are enough to bring us closer to the love that God offers us?

But let’s go back to Bishop Echevarriá’s message; God is a God of mercy and because of that we can meet these challenges with the knowledge that He is embracing us in our struggles and He is helping us with them. He desires us to overcome these challenges and His desire is stronger than any doubt we have about our abilities. ‘Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again; for forgiveness has risen from the grave.’[3] St. John Chrysostom wrote.

Brothers and sisters, let’s take the lessons of this Year of Mercy and use them to enter our Lenten journey with the will to dive deeper within ourselves, look more intensely at our heart and mind, and come to a clearer understanding of who we are – beloved of Christ. Lets always remember that God is there to pick us up every time.

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[1] St. Josemaría Escrivá, Notes from a meditation – 3/2/1952
[2] Bishop Javier Echevarría, Opus Dei Prelate– February 2016 Letter
[3] St. John Chrysostom – Easter sermon (circa 400 AD)

Holy Remorse

Lent is reaching its half-way point – this Thursday we are there.  This season is where Holy Mother Church, and that includes us, looks with a particular intensity within to reach a conversion of heart.  Where each of us, in our own way, turns back towards God and rushes towards Him as the prodigal son does in the parable. And as the prodigal son did in the parable we too must start this return with same remorseful admission ‘Father, I have sinned against you’[1]  If we complete our journey this Lenten season without these words then we are run the real risk of failing in our efforts.

St. John Paul the Great wrote in 1980:‘If it is true that sin in a certain sense shuts man off from God, it is likewise true remorse for sins opens up all the greatness and majesty of God, his fatherhood above all, to man’s conscience.  Man remains shut to God so long as the words ‘Father, I have sinned against you,’ are absent from his lips, above all while they are absent from his conscience, from his ‘heart’’[2]

In this writing he talks about the power of these words ‘Father, I have sinned against you’ and how when spoken from our heart we can ‘truly enter the Mystery and Resurrection of Christ, so as to obtain the fruits of Redemption and Grace from them’[3]

This is a most important realization for each of us at this half-way point; it is not by our actions, nor by our words, that we fully reap the gifts of Lent – it is by our heart.  We were told this back on Ash Wednesday: ‘“Yet even now,” says the LORD, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts and not your garments.”’ [4]

Ultimately, our hope is that by our Lenten practices we can enter into the love of God more fully; that we can invigorate and strengthen our relationship with Love Himself; but our fear is that God will not reciprocate – it is a needless fear.  Joel tells us to rend our hearts and not our garments; he also tells us ‘Return to the LORD, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and repents of evil.’[5]  God will never reject our heartfelt contrition, He is always there waiting for us. Christ tells us as much in today’s gospel ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.’[6]; which He proves this with His life.

Brothers and sisters as we now turn towards Holy Week let’s be guided by the light shining from the resurrection, the light of true love; and hunger for it, desire it above all else.  Let’s strip away the self-built barricades of our sinful and prideful ego and shout from the depths of our hearts ‘Father, I have sinned against you’ and rend our hearts in remorse for failing to return God’s love for us; so that when we come to those days where we walk with the Lord in His passion we can obtain the fruits of Redemption and Grace that St. John Paul the Great wrote about.

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[1] Lk 15:18
[2] St. John Paul the Great 3/16/80 taken from: Prayers and Devotions 365 Daily Meditations p124
[3] ibid
[4] Jl 2:12-13a
[5] Jl 2:13b
[6] Jn 3:16-17

Lenten Community

Last week we reflected on the first of three aspects of Lent that I find are not prominent in our current Catholic Culture; tonight, we delve into the second.

Lent is a season that should be the hinge for the liturgical year. Christmas and Easter are the premier seasons of the Liturgical because they celebrate our reason for hope, peace, and joy.  They are the book-ends of God’s revelation and our salvation. But Lent – Lent is when we look within and measure our ability to fully embrace Christmas and Easter.  Lent is when we take inventory of our shortcomings in loving God and take efforts in strengthening ourselves to improve our relationship.  The readings we hear during Sunday Vespers during Lent highlights the kind of effort we should be making – it is spiritually athletic and much energy is needed.

To help us with this, the Gospel readings for the first Sunday in Lent brings us face to face with Christ in the desert.  This reading shows two very important aspects of a Lent: one rather obvious, the other mostly overlooked. In this reading we see that Christ starts His ministry by participating in Lenten exercises.  Christ walks before us in Lent; His fasting and prayer are lessons for us. He is the example, the guide that we need.  But what goes almost unnoticed (in regards to Lent) is that at the end of this event Christ returns to His community – the reason He went into the desert was ultimately for His community – Lent is a community exercise as well as private.

Let’s take a look at another Lenten Gospel reading, the Ash Wednesday Gospel – first Gospel of Lent:
‘“Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.’[1]

We hear Christ teaching us the importance of a private and personal relationship with the Lord.  How important it is to not just go through the motions of public demonstration but to embrace totally God’s desire to be with us, lead us, love us, and affect us profoundly.  But what is also important is that Christ is explaining this to His followers. He is helping His community; He participates with them so that they can grow and continue to walk with Him. This important part of the Lenten experience was commented on by Pope Paul VI, in his 1973 Lenten message, indeed he starts the message with it: ‘Lent is a time of self-denial and penance; but it is also a time of fellowship and solidarity.’[2]

Brothers and sisters, we are called to interior conversion so that we can grow closer to God.  What better time to start this than in Lent, when we pay special attention to the threefold Lenten exercise plan of prayer, alms giving, and fasting.  But what we can’t ignore is that this interior exercise is not done in isolation – we are community.  By community I mean we are a family journeying this exercise together, we can and should help each other, give strength to each other as a physical trainer does for his client.  We have the need and obligation to participate as a family in these exercises so that all of us will grow in both giving and receiving help.

The obvious part about this community experience is that we need to give of ourselves to those in physical and material need.  We are called to humble ourselves, lower ourselves to help raise those who are the most vulnerable and needy.  But, as important are those who are on the journey and can’t find the path; those, who though aren’t in physical and material danger, are floundering in their spiritual growth.  In short we need to bring, and re-bring them the good news – WE NEED TO EVANGELIZE! Christ tells us to go into our inner room to pray but He also tells us: ‘Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.”’[3]

By a participation in public Lenten events we make a statement to those who are wavering and about to give up.  By open discussion about our Lenten journey we bond with those who are also trying. In other words; we minister to each other in our Lenten exercise of intense prayer, alms-giving, and fasting. So my friends, as we experience our Lenten desert exercises let’s be for each other like the angels who ministered to Jesus; so that, when our time has come to reenter the community we can bring Christ to our neighbors and our neighbors to Christ.

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[1] Mt 6:1-6 (RSV)
[2] Pope Paul VI; Lenten Message 1973
[3] Mt 28:19-20 (RSV)

Stepping into Lent

Our journey is about to step into an extremely intense period of interior reflection; one that should prepare us to celebrate the Pascal Mystery and Easter more intimately. Lent is a time for interior conversion and healing, and the ways to do this are as many as there are people.  But, maybe a good aid for our journey can be gleaned from the lesson of Christmas which is reinforced in today’s readings.

God came to us.  He desired to be with us physically.  Isaiah, today, proclaims the intensity of God’s relationship with us. ‘Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you.’  Jesus, while speaking about our need to serve God also shows us the Father’s concern for each of us: ‘Are not you more important than they?’

I suggest to you that in our Lenten exercises we should make foremost the realization that God has chosen each of us personally.  In hindsight, our understanding of the Old Testament reveals that God didn’t choose a people so much as he created a people from those individuals He called personally.  This too is the Church; we are called by name. The Holy Father in late January spoke to this: ‘All of us, by virtue of our baptism, have been chosen by the Lord; we are all chosen.  He has chosen us one by one.  He has given us a name. And he looks upon us. There is dialogue, because this is the way the Lord loves.’  Our truest friend has found us and remains with us.

This realization can be a valuable key to a spiritually fruitful Lenten season.  As we look within, as we take stock of our past year’s journey with the Lord, we need to view it through the eyes how we treated our companion, our friend; the one who sticks with us no matter what.  How have treated this friend, were we a loving friend back to Him?  We need to strip our selfishness from our mind’s eye and put ourselves in Christ’s place looking at us.  Were we the best companion we could be?  What hurt did we cause?  Did we betray the love given us?  What actions were the result of our own desires and not that of God?  Did we step on our eternal companion for temporal reasons?  How have we received our friend’s conversation with us – God’s Word, the eternal word?  Were we, as Pope Francis likes to say ‘docile to the word of God’? Did we allow it to enter us and give us new strength, new direction; or did we fold it into our own desires thereby stripping the life from it?   This type of interior inventory helps to reveal our true self – what God sees.  Gives us new understanding of Christ’s agony in the Garden and what He saw when He climbed onto the cross.  Makes personal this personal God.

This Lenten exercise, if done correctly, is one that is both extremely uncomfortable and supremely consoling.  We are going to see things we don’t like, our self-hidden flaws will shine in the light of God’s friendship; but with that light comes the warmth of God’s love. Lets, you and I, step into Lent with docility so that we can grow in our love of He who loved us first and calls us by name.

Come Lord Jesus

It is now the end of Ash Wednesday, I have led or assisted in 2 Masses and 3 Ash Services; I am tired.  But in the middle of all this I watched the Ash Wednesday service form St. Peter’s Basilica, the Holy Father’s final public Mass.  I sat and watched as the man who formed me as a new catholic, whose books and writings taught me the faith, celebrated his last Mass at St Peter’s main altar as Pope.  I am physically and emotionally drained.  This will be an intense and precious Lent as I turn to the Lord, more than ever, for strength, guidance, wisdom – Love.  Push to the side all the academic, theological discourse – all the journals and papers – as important as they are right now I need someone to accompany me and encourage me.  This doesn’t surprise me; for if I have learned anything from Cardinal Ratzinger/Pope Benedict that what I need is the foundation of the faith, this personal relationship with Christ.  I can’t turn to a lofty idea for this succor, I need a friend, a brother, a father – I need God.  Now, late in the evening, I can’t get out of my mind the final lines of today’s second reading:

“Behold, now is a very acceptable time;
behold, now is the day of salvation.”

Come Lord Jesus, I need you!  The least of your ambassadors, this great sinner, desires to be yours more than ever.